Convulsus Diligo
by BonEsFantastic
Summary: How can the best night turn into the worse at the same time? Follow our favourite characters as they tell you the story of the love they had but never truly shared. Through the inspiration of music. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE.
1. Then I Wake Up

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor the song.

Hello, okay so this Fictions is a bunch of one shoots with B&B POV, every chapter will have different ratings, genes and will be written on different tenses (3rd character, 2nd character and 1st character)

Ratings: M (For sexual contents)

Gene:Angst/SongFiction

Characters: B&B (Booth's POV)

This chapter is dedicated to **Preppi101** for her awesome song idea for this chapter. (I have never heard of Trace Adkins) So thanks sweetie!

* * *

Then I wake up 

I've always known that Temperance Brennan was a woman that didn't like emotional tied downs. So why did I allow myself to fall for her?

Let me start with telling you the story, it's a little angsty but when the one and only Temperance Brennan is involved in a love affair, it only ends in heartache right?

Okay, let me take you back to a while ago. Try to catch up with me. Please do not interrupt. Leave you're question to the end.

Whenever Bones and I had a particular hard case, we usually went to the dinner and drank our problems away, but that evening she had chosen to stay at my apartment. I felt a strange bolt of electricity shoot through my body. Was it excitement you asked? **(How should I know)**. Anyway, after I retrieved my glass from my kitchen cupboard I purred a drink for Bones **(And before you ask, No I did not have the intention of getting neither of us drunk!).**

When we reached my sitting room, Bones decided to sit next to me, or should I say _on_ me. I wondered why she sat so close, but who was I to argue with her closeness, I secretly loved the woman. **(Yes I said loved, you'll understand soon enough)** Bones reached for the tequila bottle and filled her drink, once, twice, I had lost count after the third one, maybe the drink had taken over me. The next crazy thing I remembered is Bones' lips on my neck, her breath was hot, next to my cool skin. _What just happened?_ I thought.

_I smell the fragrance of your hair  
Feel your fingers and your breath on my skin  
When we're here alone like this  
A crazy world makes perfect sense_

I loved the feeling of her fingers, travelling on my skin. I couldn't help myself, maybe I was taking advantage of her, maybe she of me, but either way I knew we both wanted this, five years of working together, five years of dating other people but never each other, the tequila was just the right push. I murmured her to stop through our kisses.

_I hear you whisperin' my name  
Your kisses leave the sweetest taste, on my lips _

My brain screamed at me to stop her, but my hands ignored the logical side of my brain, as I explored her soft skin under her work clothes. (**What can I say I'm just a man!)** She placed her glass on the floor, dripping the left over tequila onto my carpet, and moved her soft body onto mine, and continued to kiss me with those delicious lips of hers. I couldn't help but scream 'I love you' as her fingers opened the buttons of my shirt, kissing the exposed skin, her hot breath travelled down my body. I noticed my words had registered onto her brain the moment she stopped and gazed at me, I saw her beautiful smile and

_When you say, "I love you too"  
Soft and tender like you do  
I know all my dreams have come true _

I heard her soft and tender words and that's when I gave in. I pulled the silky black blouse from her toned body. I gasped at her exposed skin when my eyes moved from hers. I lowered my mouth onto the curve her breast caused just bellow her neck and gently sucked her soft skin. I heard a low moan escaping from her mouth, she gentle pleaded me to go lower. I obeyed her command, as my tongue traced down her body in between her breasts, down to her ribcage, meeting her abdomen, lingering on her bellybutton. I received another moan from her, with another plea. I felt her fingers running through my hair, I heard the pleas she said.

_Then I wake up  
On the floor, beside our bed_

_Where I sleep_

**(What? You want me to continue telling you, what happened that night? Okay, if that's what you want) **

Where was I? Oh yeah...I heard her pleading me to remove her jeans, I heard her telling me, that she wanted me. Telling me she wanted to feel me. I nodded and unzipped her jeans, _my hands._ My shaking. She assisted me by reflecting my actions on me. She pushed her body onto mine and before I knew what had happened we were both on the floor, her clothes scattered around us. Our bodies collied. Skin to skin. Lips to lips. Hands to hands.

_Ever since the night you left me alone  
In this old house  
Days go by, but I'm still in love  
With who we used to be_

**(I guess you can figure out what happened afterwards. **

**What? I'm not a tease! **_Look man it's a little personal._** Fine I guess you're right, if you want to understand the story you have to hear it all.) **

My mouth crushed on to hers, my hands explored her naked skin, she whispered or shall I say pleaded me to make love to her. I hesitated for a few minutes asking her if this is what she wanted, I told her if we did this, things would never be the same again. She whispered I love you Seeley on my ear. Giving me the encouragements to continue, I balanced myself, by placing my hands onto the floor in either side of her and pushed myself in her. A groan escaped my throat as I felt her inner walls trembling around me. My breath came out in loud gasps, I thrusting into in to her in a steady rhythm. She whispered my name numerous of times as I increased the speed of my thrusts.

_Now you're just a precious memory  
I can count on every night to hold me tight  
Then I wake up._

And that's it. After we made love, we came down from our highs, catching our breaths. She smiled at me, I smiled back and held her in my arms. She had little pebbles of sweat on her forehead and I couldn't help but smile at her.

Her phone rang, and that's when it happened. That's when the spell broke. She ignored the call and I heard her gasp, and then I saw her reaching for her clothes. I asked her what was wrong and she yelled. This was a mistake Booth. **(That's when my heart broke)**. She told me that there were lines, boundaries that partners should not cross. **(Yes, I know what you are thinking, she's using my own words against me).** I told her I loved her, told her I would fight for her, wait for her. She shook her head at me saying not to wait, and then the last words she whispered before she left made my already broken heart break into smaller pieces, she was leaving, moving in-fact, to Tennessee, gotten a job offer doing what she loved. Anthropology and now,

_I lay here while the truth sinks in  
I'm still alone you're still not here  
And we're still through_

_I remember our last night  
Every word right up to goodbye  
_

_Slowly I drift off again  
And I'm saying words I wish I'd said  
That night, to you  
And you don't drive off in your car  
And I don't have a broken heart  
And you can't wait to be in my arms_

Then I wake up

**(So now you know. Bones is gone. I've not seen her or heard from her for...um...months. Wow! Years actually. I wish I told her not to leave, I ****wish I had begged her to stay for me.)**

Maybe if I just...see her, to be sure if she's okay?

Do you think I could do that? Maybe I could convince her to be with me. What do you think?

"Agent Booth, I think you should just cherish that night as the perfect goodbye memory. Dr Brennan has moved away, she's happy, it was for the best. Things will get easier over time"

"How can it Sweets? She's been gone for five years!"

_Days go by, but I'm still in love  
With who we used to be  
Now you're just a precious memory  
I can count on every night to hold me tight  
Then I wake up_

I'm still in love  
With who we used to be  
Now you're just a precious memory  
I can count on every night to hold me tight  
Then I wake up  
On the floor, beside our bed  
Where I sleep  
Ever since the night you left me alone  
In this old house

* * *

A/N

Please don't hurt me! Okay so this was meant to be a one-shot Fic but after many PMs I've decided to change this into a muliti chapter. It's going to be based on songs and one first character basis.

Thank you to everyone who's already put this story onto their alerts and I also wanna say thank you to Silver. Wings.34, even though this was written by me and proofread by me, she has helped me to improve my writing so Thank you!

I promise that this story will have some B&B action sometime throughout the Fic (Maybe tehee) the next instalment will be Brennan's POV (lets see what she had to say for herself)

Looorve Emily

(And you all know I don't break promised)

Please review, and if you have any ideas for future chapters I would love to hear it from you!


	2. Thinking Out Loud

Disclaimer: I do not own Bones (sadly) and I do not own anything related to the show (Again Sadly).

Due to many PM's and a few reviews I've decided to continue from where I left off from the last chapter. Thanks to everyone who put this story onto their alerts, and the few who added this story to their favourites! (I really can't believe people actually read my stories) *Tears of joy*

If anyone has any ideas for a song for the next chapter PLEASE PM me or leave it in a review please I would really appreciate it!

Dedicated to Preppi101 for the song idea

Rating: Weak T

Brennan's: POV

* * *

Thinking out loud

I've started a new job, it's actually going quite well, I've made new friends (non like Angela), met a guy Dan **(I'll tell you about him soon)** and I'm actually doing what I like teaching Anthropology to students who share the same enthusiasm and interest as me. Even though I've been living in Knoxville for five years I'm pretty clueless with the zone. Some places here are great but nothing compared to the dinner or Wung Foo's **(I **_**loved **_**that place that where Boo...that's the place that holds many memories.) **

**Anyways back to the present for now. **I hear my name being called, should I turn around? Surely there can't be two Temperance Brennan's in the university? **There it goes again**. I can hear it again! I can feel a hand on my shoulder, from the contact I turn around to face my caller. He gives me a book **(Oh crap! I forgot that)** and asks me to go for a drink. I hesitate for a few seconds **(Should I go? Dan wouldn't mind. Or should I stay?)**. Before my response left my lips my head shook. He tells me to come on. **(Go on where, I wonder)** and I once again refuse his offer. He tells me that I have to start going out more, to mingle with people and to be honest, he know he was a point.

_I've been losing my mind  
I've been living a lie  
I've been running away for so long_

After battling with myself, I awkwardly accept his offer and follow him towards the university bar. I can already smell the fresh coffee as we reach the place. Stepping back he allows me to enter the small bar first. He places his hand on the small of my back. I flinched. I don't know why I did that, I say. He just smiles at me. _There's something familiar about him_ I think. He whispers my name, his breath so close to my skin, he asks me if I'm okay. What can I say, _No I'm not okay I miss my partner!_ **(Of course I can't say that)** so I nod and

_I try to put on a face  
And cover my heart  
But I'm needing it now so bad_

He asks for the drinks and then put his attention back to me. I feel his eyes on me. **(I've only ever allowed one man to look at me that way)** I move my gaze to the table next to us and smile with envy, at the couple sitting besides us. He then reaches for my hand and takes it. He tells me that we've been working in the same place for four years and that he has not seen me with a man, besides Dan. He asks me to be his. (**Normally I would give anybody a lecture on; I belong to nobody and the whole stereotypical alpha male behaviour, but arguing with a guy just didn't feel the same)**

Dating doesn't feel the same. Time stops (**Not literally don't worry I haven't changed that much!)** The only thing I can feel is a pain on my chest **(I don't know why though).** At night I allow my brain to travel to _that night_. I allow my hands to explore my body just like Booth's did _that night_ five years ago.  
However as always just as I reach my highs, tears cascades down my face almost every time. Every night I dial his number only erasing it before the dialling starts. Every morning I see a pair of green eyes looking back at me, and all I can do is smile.

_I don't know how I feel  
Maybe I'm mad, or maybe I'm proud  
Can't find the truth, can't speak my mind  
Don't know what I say, I'm just thinking out loud..._

Alex's hands are still holding mine. **(That's his name by the way)** I see his smile turning to a frown when I pull my hand from his. I shake my head no and stand up from the seat. I'm sorry Alex, I truly am, I say, but I can't date anyone. My heart will forever belong to a man who I left a long time ago. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, if I date you, I will only hurt you, I would never be able to love you, I say and walk out.

_Thinking out loud..._

As I walk out from the bar I hear him, telling me what I've been told throughout my adulthood 'you're an emotionally detached woman' **(Yes well maybe I'm mad, maybe I just speak out loud)** I turn around and tell him; thank you for stating something that I already know. I tell him that I can't explain I yell,

_No, no I can't explain  
What's happened to me  
I feel like I'm right and wrong  
Inside everything's upside down  
Everything's spinning around_

_And it's freaking me out_

All eyes on me, I feel my blood rushing to my cheeks, but what's said was said. I turn around and finally leave content with my speech. I hear my name being called once again and I of course this time I know the voice **(Him again).** His hand reaches for my shoulder once more; I take in a large amount of breath and turn to meet his brown eyes. Have you ever thought about calling him? I hear him say. I look at him with confusion but deep down I know what he is talking about. What would you do if he came for you? Would you introduce Zooey to him? What if you had a second chance would you take it? He asks me. _Leave Zooey out of this I say._

_If only for a day  
I could be free_

I would...I don't know. I would hold him, I would beg for his forgiveness, I would cry... I know he would hold me if I asked. I know he would love me if I asked. But that's all just a dream, I wish to cherish because no matter what I want I will never get. It's been five years; he is probably married and all. I tell him. A tear escapes my eye, but I let it travel down my face. I look into his eyes and I know he is listening to me,

_I bet you'd feel the same  
If you were me  
I'm gonna spit it out  
Just let go_

Let me go, let me be alone I plead. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, I see him reach for my cheek and I pull myself away from him. 'Don't' I whisper and walk away**.(This time for real).**

The drive home felt nothing but a constant agony. I missed arguing with Bo...**(NO! I have to forget him) **

To the world I'm known as Dr Temperance Brennan, world renowned anthropologist and bestselling author... cold fish, but what would they say if they knew my heart ached whenever I breathed, my heart ached whenever I saw a pair of brown eyes. What would they say if they knew I cried myself to sleep? Would they pity me? Or think I'm being irrational. **(You see what I haven't told you is that ever since I moved to Tennessee I've been living a lie or hiding a secret, whichever)** Four years and nearly three months of a lie.

_I've been losing my mind  
I've been living a lie  
I've been running away for so long_

Moving through my apartment I can smell the fresh smell of macaroni and cheese bringing a smile to my face. 'Zooey' I call as I walk further into the apartment I see no sight of life but hear giggles. Zooey I call again in a singing tone. I then feel a pair of arms wrapping around my abdomen followed by another small giggle.

_Mummy, Dan sweed you waz swaaaaad this monin when you left for wok! Is that tru_? She asks me. I smile at the little brunette, green eyed, light freckled face of the newly three year old and laugh. Yes sweetie but I promise mummy is fine now, I say as I hug her tight.

Mummy has a present for you! I smile; she looks at me, her eyes sparkling with glee. Reeeeally I hear her excitement and feel her detachment when she lets go of my hold. I can't help but laugh at the bouncing child in front of my eyes. Is it daddy? Is it daddy? She squeals at me.

No sweetheart, it's not daddy and it never will be.

It broke my heart when her eyes started to fill with tears and only received a nod as an answer.

I hope you was good for Dan, I smile. She nods her head at me and smiles. She was a total angel I heard him.

See you Monday sweetie he says and kisses her on the head. See you Monday Dr Brennan.

~*~*~*~*

"That's pretty much what I've done. How's everyone at the Jeffersonian?"

"We're good! We miss you. Will you come to visit soon? I want to see my little niece, she looks so cute in that picture you sent me"

"Thank you Angela, but I can't visit D.C not now it's too hard" I say through the phone.

"But you promised you would when you left" I hear Angela's pleas and smile as she reminds me of Zooey.

"That was before I fell pregnant"

_I don't know how I feel  
Maybe I'm mad, or maybe I'm proud  
Can't find the truth, can't speak my mind  
I don't know what I say, I'm just thinking out loud..._

* * *

Sooooooo, wha'cha think? Hope I didn't confuse you!

Stick around for the next chapter and once again PLEEEEASE give me your ideas for songs that could fit this. I reeeeeally would love you forever and ever lol

Thanks you awesome people with the awesome power to review!


	3. If You Could be Happy

Disclaimer: ALL right already! God! I do not own Bones or any of the songs throughout the story. There's no need to rub it in.

Thank you to everyone once again. The songs ideas I've been receiving are just so brilliant I wish I could use them all (I will try to use most of them though) Please keep those songs come people! Thank you :)

Rating: M (For Booths' Language)

Gerne: Angst

**Dedicated to PuddinCup3 for the song**

* * *

You Could be Happy

"You need to move on from the past, Agent Booth" I heard Sweets say. I was looking at my hands throughout the whole appointment, but his words made me gaze at him. "How can _I_ do that?" I asked.

"Maybe if you tell me, how you feel about Dr Brennan's absent, that could allow your conscience mind to move on" he encouraged me by placing his pen and pan on the table. I nodded, just a nod. I really didn't want to be here, if it weren't for Cullen's concert for my mental health I won't be here.

Sweets tilted his head at me implying me to start.

"I feel...damn it" I felt a bolt of frustration rushing thought my blood. Since Bones left I've become useless, worthless. I've not seen Parker in months, Rebecca prevented me from seeing my own son, her words were 'you are not Seeley Booth any more' _How could she do that_?.

"Tell me Agent Booth, what do you feel"

_You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go_

"The day Bones left, it seemed like a part of her stayed with me, or at least it did that night. I just want to know if she's happy, just want to know that she's not hurt" I felt a few tears, slipping down my cheeks. **(I don't care anymore who ever sees me cry. My days are timeless moments of hell. Nights turns into nightmare's).**

"I'm also really mad. Why did she end things the way she did? Why did I tell her that I loved her? _Why_ did she tell me?" I raised my voice.

_And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head_

"I've asked Angela, _countless_ time to just give me her number. Email if Bones wishes not to hear my voice, but her response to me is 'I don't have her number Booth'. I know she's lying to me. Hell she's even stopped answering my calls lately"

"If you had Dr Brennan's number. What would you tell her agent Booth?"

I sighed before I murmured the response.

_Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur_

I chuckled, a pitiful chuckle, feeling sorry for Sweets job, having to listen to me.

"Isn't that pathetic? The woman has been gone for five years, I should have moved on"

Sweets nodded his head at me, **(Was that an agreement?)** "What do you remember about about that night?" he asked me.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat before the words I was thinking escaped my mouth.

"The way our bodies fitted together. You know as one? As if we were made for each other but,

Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

"I...God!" I cursed.

"What is it agent Booth?"

"I wanted to stop her, I really did but..." "Why didn't you stop her agent Booth?"

I looked at the ceiling, the room suddenly felt smaller around me, I sighed "I was scared, a part of me actually wanted her to leave, because...because if she stayed and things didn't work out, my world would explode, having to see her everyday would have killed me"

The one thing I wish for Bones is that she's happy, because for the five years I have been privileged to be her partner, I was happier than ever before.

_You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far_

"Everything reminds me of Bones, everything reminds me of that night...."

_Somehow everything I own smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true_

"Agent Booth, I know you loved her..." "Love her" I corrected him. "Love her, but she's doing well, I received some news from the university she's lecturing and her reputation is really growing as an anthropologist, she's safe...no crime" Sweets informed me.

"No crime?" I squinted. He nodded at me "I remember when we went to China, she said that she was tiered of being a forensic anthropologist, she only stayed for our partnership. Her real passion was anthropology. I merely held her back from her dreams"

_Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do_

"Agent Booth, I am about to break every rule that has been set by the law and client confidentiality as a psychologist, but when Agent Sullivan asked Dr Brennan to sail off with him, and she turned him down as you know. Her response to everyone was that she couldn't live a purposeless life. Well in our last appointment she admitted that the reason she stayed was that she was in love with you" **(Did Sweets just say that?)** He nervously looked at me, I nodded my head implying him to go on.

"She wanted to decline the offer from University of Knoxville, for the position of head professor in anthropology, to stay here, for you. But...after she and I spoke, she came to the conclusion that you didn't feel the same way and staying in D.C simply made no sense" he said and looked at me for approval of his revelation.

I felt my blood turning hot, **(Hot is an understatement, my blood was boiling)** My body rushed up from the seat and I looked directly into the shrinks eyes.

"YOU WAITED FIVE FUCKING YEARS TO TELL ME THIS?" I screamed. "After seeing you every fucking day for the past five years, you tell me NOW!" I exclaimed.

I stormed of from Sweets office. Anger was clearly evident in my face as many secretaries gazed upon me.

But I did not care because...

_More than anything I want to see you, girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world_

I reached for my phone and dialled Angela Montenegro's number.

"Hi Booth" I heard her voice.

"You give me her address NOW!" I screamed "If you don't I swear to god..."

"Fine Booth. It's '23 SouthYork Avenue, Knoxville, Tennessee'"

"Thank you"

"Booth?" I heard a worried tense in her voice.

"Yeah"

"A lot of things have changed in the past five years. Please don't hurt her Booth" I heard her plead.

"I would never hurt her Ange, I love her so much"

"I believe you, but please try to understand her view"

"On what? What's going on Angela?" I no longer heard her breathing, the voice vanished from the speakers. The call was over.

* * *

Until next time my lovely readers :)

*~Hugs for Booth to everyone~*

A/N: Hope you like this chapter, I want Booth to go up to Tennessee in the next chapter, if anyone knows any songs that would fit the next chapter, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, let me know in a review or PM.


End file.
